Week 2

I am now nearing the end of the second week of my new routine and have to say that although I haven't done much reading this week, it has been almost as tiring as last week.

This week, I have spent more time meeting up with friends for coffee than I have reading. This isn't a bad thing and it has been great catching up with people and getting to know them better.

At the start of this week, I had 4 books that I had started reading and none of which I had finished...I am now down to 2 and hope to be down to 1 by the end of the week. I have no idea why I feel the need to try reading several books at the same time but hopefully this means that in the future, I will be able to finish reading a book before I start another one. 2 will probably be the number as I tend to have one book that I read before I turn my light out at night and the other one will be Just Walk Across the Room which we are doing as a series at church at the moment.

Yesterday, I started the Discovery Workshop which helps to identify the areas in which you have gifting, what you're passionate about and therefore how and where you are best suited to serve within the church. I did the course back in 2002/2003 when I was on my placement year from university and found it very useful but felt that I ought to do it again as I have done a lot since then and changed and grown as a person. Unfortunately, I will miss the last session due to my hospital appointment.

I am looking forward to seeing the consultant but I am also nervous as I have no idea what he will say and hope that he doesn't say what the others have said which is that they can't do anything. This prospect scares me as I can't deal with the fact that I may be like this for the rest of my life or even the significant future.

I look forward to the day when I will be able to go to work, the gym, bowling, cycling, dancing and all the other things I used to do before that I can't do at the moment. I know this day will come but need to learn that it will be in God's timing and not mine.

I can see that God is using my time off work to build me and there are positives from it such as being free to meet friends for coffee and new friendships. I am reminded though that my time is still precious and I need to use it wisely, knowing my limitations and working within them but at the same time, aiming to bring glory to God in all that I do.

A Fresh Start

In my last post, I mentioned that I had got completely out of the routine I started earlier on in the year and that two friends had agreed to keep me accountable.

Well, Monday was the first day of my fresh start. So far, it has been going well but feel as though I may have tried to push myself too hard which means that today I am feeling very tired.

When I think about the problems with my knee, I look at them as purely physical but in fact, there are other factors involved. I forget that it takes me more energy to be able to do things than it used to and that I get tired quicker (this one I don't quite understand but need to acknowledge that it is there).

I have tried to fill my days with reading, bible study, studying books that will help when I finally come to a point where I can think about working again and meeting up with people for coffee. The last two days, I have got to lunchtime and felt completely exhausted and have realised that I was trying to fill every 30 minute slot in my day (9am-5pm) with something and forgetting that I need time to STOP! I know you could say that my stop time is in the evenings but what about those evenings that I have something planned for?

I have also realised that for Monday to Thursday, I planned to go out during the day and so need to be up at 7.30am so mum can help me get dressed before she goes to work meaning that I am unable to have any lie-in and have busy days planned.

Although I know my friends only want to help me to get the most from my days and I agree that structure is good, I think that I need to revisit this and understand my limitations and work within them.

I am a perfectionist which means that when I do something, I do it to the best of my ability and want to do it well so having to work within the limitations my knee puts on my life at the moment is difficult but I am still trusting God's promise that he is preparing me during this time for something I am going to do in the future that I don't have a clue about yet! I am also still believing that

"...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 NIV)

So although this may be a difficult season for me, I believe that it will also be a season of growth.

God Knows What's Going On Even if I Don't!

I was reading my daily devotional the other day, and it was talking about Lazarus being raised from the dead and gave 3 lessons we can learn from his story (John 11). It was the 3rd one that stuck out most for me:

"Jesus can set you free...God's Word was greater than the grave clothes that bound Lazarus; and it's greater than whatever it is that binds or limits you.

You may not completely understand it, but trust that He knows what you're going through, He can restore what you've lost, and He will set you free; pray that your faith will grow, and you'll be amazed that things that seem impossible will be changed by God." (Word 4u 2day, 29 August 2009)

This just confirmed for me that although I don't understand why everything is taking so long for my knee to be sorted, God knows what I'm going through and He has plans for me that are beyond what I can see at the moment.

Recently, I have got completely out of my routine and my days seem to be filling up with 'junk'! I met with 2 friends recently and they have agreed to keep me accountable on my keeping of the routine I started months back but that has now disappeared. Although it means that I need to make sure that I spend my time wisely, it doesn't mean that I can't spend time meeting friends for coffee during the day. The plan is simply to give me more structure within my week.

I am off for a few days away to Southsea with a friend which hopefully means that I will come back feeling refreshed and ready to go for it with my more structured week.

I will keep you up to date with how I am getting on.