When you least expect it!!!!!

Something that I have been being reminded of recently is that God speaks to us through our everyday routine and activities.

I was first reminded of this about 3 weeks ago when my Word 4u 2day was looking at Moses and the burning bush (Exodus 3). It points out that Moses was just doing his job when he saw the bush that was on fire with God's presence. It goes on to say that

"in that moment, everything
depended on his willingness to interrupt his daily routine and make time for
God."

Moses turned aside and his life changed.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I was reminded of this again as we were looking at Luke 1:1-45 in the Midweek Meeting at church. It was verse 45 that got me as it says

"blessed is she who has believed
that what the Lord has said to her will be
accomplished."

Mary was just going about her everyday life when the angel of the Lord came and spoke to her and told her that she was going to give birth to a son and whilst she was shocked, she was willing to believe and interrupt her daily routine. Mary turned aside and her life changed.

Yesterday, I was again reminded of this as we were looking at Luke 2:1-12 at the Midweek Meeting. In verses 8-12, an angel of the Lord appears to the shepherds to tell them of the birth of Jesus. Verse 8 says

"and there were shepherd living out in the fields near by,
keeping watch over their flocks at night."

The shepherds were just doing their job when God spoke to them. The shepherds turned aside and their lives changed.

These are just 3 examples of lives being changed by people being willing to put aside what they were doing to listen to God. How willing are we to put aside our routine to spend time listening to God? How often do we say to God, not now, I'm too busy?

This has got me thinking again that I need to be looking for what God is saying to me through my everyday and being willing to put aside my agenda.

I encourage you to look for God in your everyday too.

Operation

Just quick post to update you regarding the operation that was planned for this month. It has now been rescheduled to January 2010.

This is probably just as well as although I wondered what God was playing at by letting my op be postponed by a month, I now think I know why!

I spoke to the consultant's secretary last week as I was getting quite stressed as I didn't know what the op was (i.e. purely investigatory or work being done). She advised me that the consultant will be looking at my knee and seeing if the grafting is possible and if it is, then they will remove some cartilage from my good knee. This potentially means having both knees operated on at the same time!!!!

The cartilage that is removed from my good knee will then be grown in a lab for a few weeks before being implanted in to my bad knee. So the op in January will be the first of at least 2 ops and the start of a new recovery journey.

Yes, No, Maybe!!!!!

I've been thinking about writing this post for the last week but I was lacking inspiration for a title for it and this is what has been stopping me. I have decided to post anyway and see where it takes me.

Last Tuesday, I was reading about meaning what we say and only saying yes to people if we mean it. If you're anything like me, I find it easier to say yes to someone than no when they ask me to do something and often end up overcommitting myself and not being able to do everything I said yes to.

Something I am learning is that I need to be aware of my limitations as with my knee as it is at the moment, there are things I just can't do and there are lots of things that now take me more time and/or energy than they used to.

I have heard it said the 'no' is an answer in and of itself, therefore we do not need to justify why we are saying no to something. I have found this so freeing as I always felt that when I said no to something I had to justify myself with some really good reason for saying no...but now...I can just say no, sorry in the nicest way possible.

If we learn to say no more, then we can begin to let our yes mean yes as we will no longer be overcommitting ourselves to things just to please others.

Disappointments & Me Time

On Monday afternoon, I received a phonecall that left me feeling upset and disappointed. Thankfully, at the time, a good friend was here and she gave me a hug and we went out for coffee and shopping!

Then, on Monday evening, I read in my Word 4u 2day about the Roman soldier in Luke 7:9 where Jesus says:

"I've yet to come across this simple trust anywhere in Israel..." (NIV)

I was reminded that all I have to do is trust. But...that's easier said than done isn't it???

Yesterday afternoon, I decided that I would have some "me" time and sat myself down with my bible, journal, Word 4 u 2day, a good book, my phone on silent and a vanilla latte. During this time, I read Hosea 14 and verse 9 stood out to me.

"The LORDs ways are right. Good people live by following them, but those who turn against God die because of them." (NCV)

The part that stood out the most was "The LORDs ways are right." It reinforces what I read on Monday and the fact that in the face of disappointments, I need to continue to trust that God knows what he is doing.

I am learning that taking time out just to be me is invaluable for my relationship with God as it is during these times that I can hear him most clearly.

Looking Back!

I have recently begun to use my journal again having only journalled sporadically over the last few years. Last night, I spent some time looking back at what I had written previously and came across some notes I had journalled from my Word 4 U 2day back in November 2008.

It was referring to Numbers 17:5 where God appointed Aaron as the new leader for Israel. It pointed out 3 things:

1. Whose staff grew blossom - God doesn't pick his leaders because they're perfect. He sees potential qualities he can use to fulfil His purposes.
2. Where it blossomed - Certain things can only happen in God's presence. Sort out your priorities and set time to meet with God each day and stick to it.
3. When it blossomed - Your faith grows when you are going through hard and dark times rather than when everything is cool.

This really got me again last night when I read it as I realised that I don't need to be perfect for God to be able to use me...what a relief! God can use me where I am now if I make myself available to him, which leads in to the second point about where the stick blossomed. I am beginning a new adventure and am feeling very excited about it.

I will be setting aside time each day to spend with God but it will probably not be in the traditional way. I will be taking my bible, journal and camera out and about with me and will see what God wants to do through these times. I will try to use my camera to take photographs either relating to what God speaks to me about or just of something I feel makes a great photo.

I have found the third point to be true already and hope that as I grow in my relationship with God, my faith will grow all the more and that I will live in the knowledge that I am fulfilling God's purpose for my life.

I will also be blogging about what I am learning on this journey so please feel free to join me.

Long Time No Blog

Apologies for the lack of blog for the last couple of months, a lot has been happening and I have also lacked the inspiration for what I should write and wondering whether anyone really reads this and whether what I write is just being read or whether it is having an impact that I am unaware of.

Well anyway, I have decided that I will keep going with it.

Since I last blogged, I have been to the hospital twice. The first appointment, I felt, was a waste of time as the registrar said that the only cure for arthritis is a knee replacement and that I'm too young and he wasn't sure it would help anyway. I was then sent for X-rays and to wait for an appointment for an MRI scan. Another appointment was booked for the end of October.

The second appointment, was more successful. I saw the consultant who heads up the knee team and he is going to do whatever it takes to get my knee as good as possible, starting with a keyhole surgery in December to try to resurface the groove the kneecap tracks in as he thinks the problem is there from the chondroplasty I had done in 2007. If this doesn't work, then he is willing to do a knee replacement. So at last, it seems there is some light at the end of the tunnel and the day when I will be able to do things I used to be able to do is getting nearer.

In my last post, I mentioned about the positives I have found in having time to myself and not having to go to work. One of these is that I have been able to be there for a friend who has had a difficult time recently and had I been at work, I would not have been able to do this. God's timing is perfect and even if I don't know what he's doing, I just have to trust him, do my bit and then let him get on with his bit.

My routine has gone out of the window recently as I found it very restricting and was beginning to feel guilty if I did something that wasn't written on the sheet for that particular time, even if it was something that I really didn't need to feel guilty about such as fitting in meeting a friend for coffee instead of reading a book. This has led me to make the decision that I am no longer going to plan my days as rigidly.

As I said in my last post, my time is precious and I need to use it wisely, knowing my limitations and working within them but at the same time, aiming to bring glory to God in all that I do.

Week 2

I am now nearing the end of the second week of my new routine and have to say that although I haven't done much reading this week, it has been almost as tiring as last week.

This week, I have spent more time meeting up with friends for coffee than I have reading. This isn't a bad thing and it has been great catching up with people and getting to know them better.

At the start of this week, I had 4 books that I had started reading and none of which I had finished...I am now down to 2 and hope to be down to 1 by the end of the week. I have no idea why I feel the need to try reading several books at the same time but hopefully this means that in the future, I will be able to finish reading a book before I start another one. 2 will probably be the number as I tend to have one book that I read before I turn my light out at night and the other one will be Just Walk Across the Room which we are doing as a series at church at the moment.

Yesterday, I started the Discovery Workshop which helps to identify the areas in which you have gifting, what you're passionate about and therefore how and where you are best suited to serve within the church. I did the course back in 2002/2003 when I was on my placement year from university and found it very useful but felt that I ought to do it again as I have done a lot since then and changed and grown as a person. Unfortunately, I will miss the last session due to my hospital appointment.

I am looking forward to seeing the consultant but I am also nervous as I have no idea what he will say and hope that he doesn't say what the others have said which is that they can't do anything. This prospect scares me as I can't deal with the fact that I may be like this for the rest of my life or even the significant future.

I look forward to the day when I will be able to go to work, the gym, bowling, cycling, dancing and all the other things I used to do before that I can't do at the moment. I know this day will come but need to learn that it will be in God's timing and not mine.

I can see that God is using my time off work to build me and there are positives from it such as being free to meet friends for coffee and new friendships. I am reminded though that my time is still precious and I need to use it wisely, knowing my limitations and working within them but at the same time, aiming to bring glory to God in all that I do.

A Fresh Start

In my last post, I mentioned that I had got completely out of the routine I started earlier on in the year and that two friends had agreed to keep me accountable.

Well, Monday was the first day of my fresh start. So far, it has been going well but feel as though I may have tried to push myself too hard which means that today I am feeling very tired.

When I think about the problems with my knee, I look at them as purely physical but in fact, there are other factors involved. I forget that it takes me more energy to be able to do things than it used to and that I get tired quicker (this one I don't quite understand but need to acknowledge that it is there).

I have tried to fill my days with reading, bible study, studying books that will help when I finally come to a point where I can think about working again and meeting up with people for coffee. The last two days, I have got to lunchtime and felt completely exhausted and have realised that I was trying to fill every 30 minute slot in my day (9am-5pm) with something and forgetting that I need time to STOP! I know you could say that my stop time is in the evenings but what about those evenings that I have something planned for?

I have also realised that for Monday to Thursday, I planned to go out during the day and so need to be up at 7.30am so mum can help me get dressed before she goes to work meaning that I am unable to have any lie-in and have busy days planned.

Although I know my friends only want to help me to get the most from my days and I agree that structure is good, I think that I need to revisit this and understand my limitations and work within them.

I am a perfectionist which means that when I do something, I do it to the best of my ability and want to do it well so having to work within the limitations my knee puts on my life at the moment is difficult but I am still trusting God's promise that he is preparing me during this time for something I am going to do in the future that I don't have a clue about yet! I am also still believing that

"...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 NIV)

So although this may be a difficult season for me, I believe that it will also be a season of growth.

God Knows What's Going On Even if I Don't!

I was reading my daily devotional the other day, and it was talking about Lazarus being raised from the dead and gave 3 lessons we can learn from his story (John 11). It was the 3rd one that stuck out most for me:

"Jesus can set you free...God's Word was greater than the grave clothes that bound Lazarus; and it's greater than whatever it is that binds or limits you.

You may not completely understand it, but trust that He knows what you're going through, He can restore what you've lost, and He will set you free; pray that your faith will grow, and you'll be amazed that things that seem impossible will be changed by God." (Word 4u 2day, 29 August 2009)

This just confirmed for me that although I don't understand why everything is taking so long for my knee to be sorted, God knows what I'm going through and He has plans for me that are beyond what I can see at the moment.

Recently, I have got completely out of my routine and my days seem to be filling up with 'junk'! I met with 2 friends recently and they have agreed to keep me accountable on my keeping of the routine I started months back but that has now disappeared. Although it means that I need to make sure that I spend my time wisely, it doesn't mean that I can't spend time meeting friends for coffee during the day. The plan is simply to give me more structure within my week.

I am off for a few days away to Southsea with a friend which hopefully means that I will come back feeling refreshed and ready to go for it with my more structured week.

I will keep you up to date with how I am getting on.

Stop!

At church on Sunday, Simon spoke about Sabbath and asked what it's relevance is today. He said that God created a rhythm to life - that there would be work and there would be rest. He asked the 'where do you need to re-find the rhythm of life? How do you spend your day? When do you cross the line and stop working?' He spoke about the need to make time in your day when you just stop.

I have been thinking about how this applies to my life as I am currently unable to work. So am I stopped all the time? No! I have appointments to go to, physio to do, hospital appointments to sort out etc. On Monday morning, before I'd even had a cup of tea, I'd started on my to-do list for the day.

Before my operation in 2007, I was working 40 hours a week in a busy HR department, was heading up the coffee team at church and often needed to be there early to drop off supplies or stand in if one of the team didn't turn up. In addition to this, I had day to day chores to get done including washing, ironing, shopping, cooking dinner, washing up, cleaning etc. Although my flat mate and I shared the cooking, cleaning and washing up. My life was busy!

Now, that has all changed, I have time to stop! But the temptation is there to fill the gaps. I think we all like to be busy as we feel that's how we're supposed to be.

A few months back, I started a routine (see post titled 'My New Routine'). I wouldn't switch my phone on, facebook, email, answer the phone until after 11am. This gave me time to stop and read my bible and spend time with God before I began my day. This routine seems to have got lost somewhere but I will be bringing it back again (as much as possible whilst I'm still on the tablets mentioned in previous post).

I have been thinking that perhaps I should look on all this free time as a God-given blessing and spend more time reading my bible and studying it, reading books and listening to podcasts etc as well as spending time meeting up with friends for coffee or days out.

Pain Clinic Visit = More Tablets

Nearly 2 weeks ago, I went up to London to visit the Pain Clinic at the Orthopaedic Hospital. The doctor I saw was very good and advised me that he thinks the problem with my knee is definitely a more mechanical problem than a pain problem so he advised that he would write a letter to the knee team explaining this.

In addition to this, he has put me on some new tablets which are to show whether the pain is neurological or actual because it I have had it for over a year, he said there is a possibility that my brain is making the pain worse than it actually is. He said that the tablets will either make the pain disappear or that the side effects will get too much and the pain will still be the same.

I started the tablets 2 weeks ago on Saturday (with the dosage increasing every 4 days) and so far, I've had only side effects, they have made no difference to the pain. The side effects have ranged from me feeling drowsy and spending most of the day sleeping to headaches and dizziness to lack of concentration to not knowing when I'll wake up (Tuesday I woke at 2:50pm and today it was 1:40pm - the other days this week, I was woken up early because I had something planned!).

I spoke to the hospital yesterday to find out when I could come off the tablets and they have advised that if I can stay on them for another 2 weeks, then it would be a meaningful trial. I wasn't too happy about this but will give it a go! On the up side, the doctor has written to the knee team so I should be hearing about an appointment in the near future.

Please pray that I will have the strength to keep going with the tablets (and side effects!!!) as well as patience whilst waiting to hear from the hospital.

2 Weeks by the Sea

Hey All!

Yes I am still here! I am still blogging!

Mum and I had a wonderful 2 weeks in Weymouth. The aim of our holiday was to take things easy and to take each day as it came. However, we did fit in visits to lots of really nice and fun places.

The highlights of the holiday for me were:

Weymouth Family Church - they were really welcoming and we had a great morning with them on both our Sundays. During the time we were there, they spoke on expecting the miraculous and community and on the first week, the leader of the church there asked if he could pray for my knee and although it wasn't healed at the time, we have since had some progress with regard to hospital appointments (more in my next post). We attended on both the Sundays we were in Weymouth and on the second Sunday, I even bumped in to the people that were the leaders of the Sunday evening student group at one of the churches in Plymouth when I was studying there.

Monkey World - we borrowed one of their mobility scooters which made life a lot easier for me and also made the day more enjoyable. It was a shame that it seemed most of the monkeys there wanted to play indoors rather than outside! I did get a few good photos of them though and it was a really lovely day out.

Brownsea Island - this was the furthest we travelled from Weymouth. We arrived at Poole Quay at about 11am and got the ferry across to the island. We borrowed a wheelchair from the visitor centre and off we went to explore the island but found that it would have been easier for me to explore on crutches as we struggled getting the wheelchair up the hill due to the gravel nature of the paths on the island! We found a nice green area in which to picnic and were accompanied by hens, noisy roosters and geese! The geese kept their distance but the hens and one of the roosters decided to come and investigate whether there was any food for them!

Corfe Castle & Swanage Railway - Dad arrived late on the Friday evening to spend the weekend with us, so it was important that on the Saturday, we did something that dad would enjoy. The decision was made that we would go to Corfe Castle. It is a castle ruin set on a hillside in Dorset. Mum and Dad climbed the hill to the castle but I stayed on the green. After lunch, we went on the Swanage Railway and got the steam train from the park and ride near Corfe Castle to Swanage and enjoyed the scenery along the way as well as taking in views from Swanage sea front.



Don't want to bore you with every detail of my holiday so, think this will do. Hope you enjoyed the pics too!

Update

I have this morning spoken to the orthopaedic hospital who have advised me that the consultant doesn't think he can do anything for my knee and so has referred me to a doctor in the pain clinic. I felt that I had no option but to accept this appointment and so will be travelling up to London on 10th July to see the pain management specialist.

I was hoping that by going to the orthopaedic hospital, that cartilage transplant may be an option and may have put too much hope into this and I am now left feeling disappointed. I know I need to trust God's timing in this but it is very hard to see what the purpose of all this is at the moment.

Please pray for a positive outcome to my visit and also if anyone fancies accompanying me up to London, please let me know.

Car, Friends & Cheesecake!

Since my last post, I have picked up my car from the garage. It is a lovely car and very easy to drive and I love driving it.

Having the car now means that I have a level of independence back, being able to go where I want, when I want. However, I am learning that this is not always a good thing and this is where having good friends comes in.

On Sunday evening, I decided I would go to church, since I could now as I didn't need to worry about how I would get there and back! When I arrived, everything was fine...or so I thought. Towards the end of the sermon, I began to get a sharp pain behind my kneecap...it was horrible. My friends realised there was something wrong and began praying for me as well as making sure I was a comfortable as possible. It soon became clear that the reason I was in pain was because I had pushed myself too hard during the week and my knee wasn't happy.

It then came to deciding how I would get home from church as only mum and I are insured to drive my car and to call her out would not be fair on her or dad who would have to bring her. My friends decided that one of them would drive me home and the other would pick me up on Monday morning to take me to fetch my car.

My friend Michelle arrived on Monday morning and took me up to the church to fetch my car. We did this, dropped my car home and then Michelle took me over to Wokingham for coffee and lunch. It was such a lovely day and the cheesecake we had for dessert was the yummyist I've ever had! I felt like I was on holiday as we sat outside this lovely little italian restaurant. It was such a relaxed day and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

One of the things that came out of Sunday night is that I am not to apologise for needing help. I am to ask for it and receive it with thanks rather than feeling guilty that I am relying on people too much and putting people out. It became clear that I have friends who love me and will do anything they can to help and will lovingly tell me I am not driving home even when I think different!

So, I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you to all my lovely friends, family and church community. I think you're great!

Holding On.

Since March, I have been following a bible reading plan which will take me through the bible in a year. I have been following the same one as others that are part of Kerith Community Church. However, I got behind in April (but have been trying to catch up!) and have now got up to Ecclesiastes 9 and read these verses this morning, which in the light of what has been happening in the past week are relevant to where I am at now:

"When life is good, enjoy it.
But when life is hard, remember:
God gives good times and hard times,
and no one knows what tomorrow will bring." (Ecclesiastes 7:14, NCV)

"There is a right time and a right way for everything,
yet people often have many troubles.
They do not know what the future holds,
and no one can tell them what will happen." (Ecclesiastes 8:6-7, NCV)

Although I do not understand what God is doing with regard to the treatment for my knee, these help me to know that He is in control.

I am still holding on to the promise of Romans 8:28 which says:

"We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him." (NCV)

So for now, this will have to be enough for me to hold on to and know that God has only my best interests at heart.

On a lighter note, I will be going for a drive this afternoon in order to get used a left foot accelerator ready for when my car arrives in approximately 3 weeks!

A Tough Week

A lot has been happening since my last post with regard to hospital appointments.

I received a telephone call on Monday morning from my consultants secretary advising me that due to a letter received from my physio (which I had sent on to them due to the cancellation of my previous appointment) which advised that they were restricted with what they could do with me due to the pain I get in my knee, they have decided to write to my GP to refer me to the pain clinic and were cancelling my appointment.

I was not at all happy about this and having called the secretary back and explaining my situation I still came away with no appointment! I then called my physio and she advised that she would try to speak to the hospital for me to find out what they're doing.

I began to feel as though I may be making a fuss about nothing and maybe should just go to the pain clinic and see if it helps but at the end of the day it will just be treating the symptoms of the problem and not the problem itself. I have made an appointment with my GP to discuss my options.

I had a Hydro appointment yesterday which went well but anything I am able to do in the pool just keeps my knee moving the little it can but no matter how much I try it doesn't transfer on to land!

That's about it for now, but will keep you posted with updates.

Hope you're well.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted for a while but there hasn't really been much news.

I've been continuing with the Hydro and I was supposed to have a review with the consultant on Monday but that has been postponed until the 18th May.

In preparation for the consultants appointment, I went for a review by one of the physios at Heatherwood so that they could write a report basically advising that my knee is not making any improvement and that something needs to be done. The physio review went really well and she was pleased with the strength I have built up in the muscles at the top of my leg which is great news.

One of my friends has advised me to make a list of all the things that I now can't do because of the problems with my knee which I will take with me when I go to see the consultant in May. This should add weight to our request that they look at more options than just physio, especially now that my left knee has started to give me a few minor problems!

Over the past few weeks, I have discovered that although I feel fine apart from the problems with my knee, I get tired quicker than I used to and therefore I can't do as much as before. I learnt this from experience when I got to a point where I was no use to anyone as I had used all the energy I had.

I am now trying to plan my weeks so that I still get to meet up with friends etc but that I don't end up with no energy left by the weekend. This has been difficult as my head still goes "it's OK, I can do it" when in reality this is not the case and I push myself too hard.

There is no news on the car front yet. Hopefully, I should have it by the end of May. Then comes the challenge of learning to drive it with my left foot!

That's about it for now...will hopefully fit in another post next week.

Hope you're having a good week.

Hydro #2 & Update

I had my second hydro session last Wednesday and again found that it was very painful when putting any direct pressure through my knee.

Since then, I have been for a car adaptation assessment to determine what adaptations I will need to be able to drive safely. The assessment went really well and all being well, I will soon be getting a car with a left-foot accelerator. Dad and I are going for a test drive on Saturday morning of one of the cars I really like.

I have also been taking some more photos recently and I'm especially proud of the one below as it is the first one I have taken using manual settings on the camera. I have also entered it in a competition with the topic of harmony on a Digital SLR Users forum I am part of.

I think that's about news for now. Hope you're having a good week.

Hydrotherapy #1

I had my first Hydrotherapy session on Tuesday and found it to be very painful.

I was given various different exercises to do which often involved putting direct pressure on my knee and even though it was in water was still extremely painful.

I have another session booked for Tuesday afternoon and I am still feeling sore from the first session which was now 3 days ago!

That's about all that's news for now.

Have a great weekend and I will post again next week.

Cornwall

Mum and I had a fantastic time in Cornwall. We arrived on the Thursday lunchtime and went off in the afternoon to Godrevy, near Hayle to enjoy the views.

The majority of our time there was spent doing odd jobs that Grandad needed doing.

On the Saturday afternoon, Mum and I went off to Goonhilly Earth Station where the first satellite transmissions happened from in 1960something! As a bonus, we had free entry as the local newspaper my Grandad receives had a voucher in it valid any weekend in March.

On the Sunday afternoon, we took Grandad across to Falmouth to see a friend he hasn't been able to see for a while.

Tuesday was a day for Mum and I to be tourists as Grandad was out for the day. We went to Lizard Point, Marazion, Penzance and St Ives. It was lovely.

Godrevy


Lizard Point


View of St Michael's Mount from Marazion.


Penzance


St Ives Harbour

Quick Update

Just thought I'd write a quick post to give you an update on how my new routine is going and how my knee is getting on.

My new routine is going well and I have managed to keep up to date with my bible reading. How nice it is to be able to focus without distraction on reading my bible and the latest book club book!

My knee is still pretty much the same. The new painkillers are much better than the previous ones as the new ones just make me drowsy rather than dizzy, nauseous and drowsy! I have my first hydrotherapy appointment tomorrow so will update again after that.

Sorry for not blogging for a while but I was on holiday in Cornwall for a week. It was lovely!

Hope you're having a good week.

My New Routine

Today is the first day of my new routine. This is not to be legalistic, but to give me some structure and so that I have space to spend time reading my bible and books that will help me in my walk with God.

So that I can be accountable with this, I will not answer my phone or text message or email before 11am during the week. If I phone you etc. before 11am during the week, please feel free to pull me up on this.

I have struggled the last week. I have had a cold and increased the number of painkillers I was taking last Wednesday. This meant that by the time the 2nd dose of the day had taken effect, I was feeling very dizzy and sick. I couldn't continue like that so I have reduced the amount to only taking 1 tablet every 12 hours which is more manageable but the pain is still not under control. I have spoken to the doctor today and we are going to try another painkiller and he will work with me to get the pain under control so that hopefully I can advance with the physio. I have another appointment tomorrow afternoon so hopefully the new painkillers will be working by then!

In all this, I know that God is there but I am not sure what his purposes for me going through this are.

I am trusting in Romans 8:28 where Paul says "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called because that was his plan." (NCV). I was also reading back through some notes I made when reading Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren where she quotes a guy called Gary Thomas. He says "...faith isn't tested by how often God answers my prayers with a yes but by my willingness to continue serving him and thanking him, even when I don't have a clue as to what he is doing."

There are many things that have come out of this that I can be thankful for but all too often it is the negatives that are more apparent. I have built new friendships and built on old friendships and have been provided with a consultant who knows what he is talking about when it comes to knee problems. As well as being part of a fantastic church family.

I hope you will join with me on this journey of discovering what God has in store for me. I will post again soon.

Rebecca

Time Away, Physio, Painkillers and More Physio

I had a great time away in Cromer, staying with friends and got to see the sea! Yay! I spent most of my time there playing games with the kids. On the Friday evening, we went to a Quiz Night which was to raise money for one of the boys' football team. We came 8th out of 11 teams!

I had physio again on Monday and have been advised to increase my painkillers as the pain I get when trying to bend my knee is inhibiting what the physios can do. This means that I will now be taking some strong painkillers which make me very drowsy and also affect my being able to sleep at night. Please pray that I will be able to sleep despite this.

I am continuing with the exercises the physio had given me previously as well as adding in new ones that I was given on Monday.

I have physio again on Friday and I'm looking forward to going for a meal with friends from University on Saturday.

Hope you're well.

Rebecca

Update

I saw the physio again today who advised there is a slight improvement in the strength of my quad muscle (the one above my knee!) which is good as I only had 3 days from the last appointment til today to work on it!

He has also given me some more exercises to do and suggested that I go swimming once a week. I have 2 appointments next week so hopefully there will be some more good news then.

Mum and I are off to visit friends in Norfolk tomorrow so I'm looking forward to the change of scenery and catching up with them.

I'll post again next week to update on progress.

Long Road Ahead!

Today I had physio and was dreading the fact that it may be very painful and that I would not cope with it. The physio was very nice and has told me that it will be a long road ahead as we need to strengthen my quad muscles and then we can begin to work on the range of movement.

I have been given various strengthening exercises to do including one where mum or dad will need to lift my leg to a particular height and then let go and for me to hold it there...this has 3 different directions that each work a different part of the muscle harder. This is in addition to the strengthening exercises I have already been doing.

I have also been advised that I need to keep the range of movement I already have so need to be trying to bend my knee frequently and have an exercise to do for that too!

I am seeing the physio again on Monday and will possibly be being referred for Hydrotherapy again.

Will post again once I have any more information.

Physio...Ouchy!!!!

Just thought I'd do a quick post to let you all know that my first physio appointment is booked for Thursday at 8.30 in the morning. I'm not looking forward to this but know that hopefully the process will aid the recovery of my knee.

Will blog again after physio to let you know how it went.

We Made It, Despite The Snow!

Well, we made it to the hospital just under two hours early for my appointment as we left home early because of the snow. It took us just over an hour to get from Bracknell to Reading!

The consultant has advised that there is nothing more that can be done surgically at the moment as it appears to be tracking in the right position but that my kneecap is pretty much useless because of the damage to it!

They are arranging for me to have intensive physio, which will be extremely painful to try to get my knee moving but the consultant will keep an eye on progress with regular check ups. The first being at the end of April.

I found this outcome to be somewhat disappointing as I had hoped he would be able to do the surgery and that would improve my knee. I am very scared that the physio won't work as it didn't work when they tried it before...but will give it a very good go and work hard at it again!

I will post again once I have news of when the first physio appointment will be!

A Day Out!!!

Well, as mentioned in previous posts, my friend Vicki was planning a day out for me. So, today we went to Reading for a tour of the cafes as suggested by her sister, accompanied by my cousin!

We got the Park & Ride bus from Loddon Bridge and then made our way into the Oracle for some retail therapy in HMV and Disney Store, followed by lunch at Pizza Hut and then met my aunty later in the afternoon after some more retail therapy of the clothing variety!

Vicki and I then went off to try and find her some Wellie boots for her field trip and crepes in John Lewis...yum yum and my cousin has gone for dinner with her mum and friend!!!

I'm off to the church prayer meeting tonight for part of the 24hours of prayer which ends our week of prayer!

Will blog again on Monday once I know the outcome from the hospital!

Less Than a Week!

It is now less than a week until I have my appointment with the consultant. I am feeling very nervous and very excited at the same time but trusting that God knows what is best for me so whatever the outcome, He knows what He's doing even if I don't understand.

Mum will be coming with me and so will my friend Vicki. We will be writing down all our questions before we go so that we know what information we want to be able to gain a positive outcome from the appointment.

Vicki has decided that we need to have a day where we just chill and have fun so she is organising something for Friday which she says is a surprise (but I just think she doesn't know what we're doing yet!!!!).

I have started to try and read my Bible in a year and I'm following the programme that was recommended by Simon, the Senior Pastor at my church. I'm finding it really good and hopefully will be able to keep it up as I think it will be really beneficial for me to do this as I have never done it before.

I'm off to lunch with a friend in an hour and have some things I need to get done before that, so better stop blogging and get on.

Hope you're having a good week.

I'm back from Butlins!!!!

Well, I'm now back from Butlins...although still have the wristband on as have not yet been attacked by a pair of scissors!

It was a fantastic weekend. The speakers were really good bringing a message that was relevant and challenging. It was really good to spend time with friends too, with time on the Friday and Saturday for games of pool, darts and coffee and watching the others on the bumper cars...unfortunately there are no photos as my camera batteries turned out to be dead even though I'd charged them the night before we left! Doh!

Butlins Here We Come!!!!

I'm off to Butlins at Bognor Regis today for a weekend of praise & worship and teaching along with others from my church and New Frontiers churches from across the South East of England.

I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going with 5 others from my Lifegroup (another name for a cell group). It will be a good chance to get to know them better as well as meeting people from other churches. We are going half board so it means there is no cooking and little washing up to be done.

I'm nearly packed...lots of warm clothes just in case and a hot water bottle!!! Just need to put in the last bits including today's lunch!

Will post again with pictures (hopefully!!) on my return.

Have a good weekend.

Post #1

Well, this is my first blog post. I have started this to keep friends and family up to date with what is going on in my world and in doing so, I hope that it will provide encouragement to others going through similar situations.

I have called my blog "Je ne comprends pas toujours...mais..." which means "I do not always understand...but..." because I know that God is in everything that is happening to me but there are lots of things about it that I don’t understand and I am trusting that God will make his reasons and purposes clear in the future but for now I will just trust him.

I have been suffering for the past year with big problems with my kneecap and I am unable to bend my knee or put direct pressure through it without excruciating pain which means that I am currently not able to drive or work.

I am currently in limbo as I am awaiting a big decision on 2nd February with regard to the investigative keyhole I had in December 2008. I am hoping that the surgeon will be able to perform the operation that he thought prior to the keyhole would give a significant improvement and enable me to be able to work and drive again.